nearly blew my top... first time since sec 1... thxs to a person who should be in a rehab but due to a certain person kindness he still comes to sch... god damn it....my limit nw left 10% or so( for tat certain bastard)
~(07:47)



Friday!!! this i a sign of things to come.. things like: more time spend staring into nth for hours n hours ( 4x more than weekdays), walk around anywhere with no clue of wat's going to happen n have a million n one ideas of wat's going to happen to me ( like a bomb dropping on my head or kanna crush into mushed josh by a car accident.. let my thoughts run wild again which will cause a addition into e "thoughts" postes ( currently 2).. if u ask y don't i play games or ps2... well.. tat because it all seems to be work ( u moving yr finger around getting all angry for missing tat target juz seems to be joyless).. i'm hopelessly lacking motivation in wat so ever things i'm doing nw..
~(05:59)



i being thinking this.. other than tat pyramid scam.. is there any mother tat had truly nv cared for their child? i mean i wouldn't write father since all they give when u was being created was around 3 teaspoonfuls of sperms in return for god noes how much moments of happiness they get while at it.. kinda of gd deals for guys isn't it?? while after u gt born, for those really 'dun care' types of fathers, all they had to do is supply money in a long term deal for like lets say around 25 years? they will then get their investments back when u start working n give them monthly allowances.. for those with e caring fathers.. well.. gd for u... i'm jealous.. so tat's y no father in tat sentence..
but mothers.. they suffer eight/nine months of morning sickness n all sort of problems with tat big stomach in e way for almost everything she does.. finally u pop out after god noes how long in tat hospital room.. coming to this point everyone should noe tat e term "flash n blood" should really belong to e mothers only.. for tat trouble only so tat she can dump u one side n let u rough it out for e next 70+ years (i put this age since it's around this age Singaporeans dies e most)??
some of e true life experience of friends tells me yes.. n in some real bad cases e son is really damaged badly mentally.. e worse case is one of my gd friend, whose mother ( no insult offered.. juz saying wat i'm thinking) seems like Satan best friend or maybe she's even more evil then Satan.. while i'm with this friend n a few others doing a long-term project of ours, she protested n even threaten to call our parents saying tat we r causing harm to her child.. frm my friend words, his mother nv truly cared abt him n only cared abt her faces, she is always listening to other first n chooses to belive anyone but her son.. also heard was tat she was very bias n favours e elder much much more.. so y she protested? because she wan my friend to do watever she says.. like a robot.. so in turn we tried to tell her tat it was harmless n even revealed to her wat we r doing.. only thing is tat her son isn't around to hear it ( most likely due to fear of his mother.. ). his mother, after hearing wat's our plan was nt angry.. however was smiling.. she didn't say she approve of it but she did say tat she wans my friend to personally tell her n earn her trust..
my friend.. he is a very shy person.. a coward sometimes n well.. a easy bullying target... but when i heard e mother say tat she wans to hear her son tell her.. i was surprised.. this slightly shows tat she is willing to release him after seventeen years.. her asking her son to tell her personally for wat i think is so tat he can gain some self confidence.. her nt letting her son off her sight also have to do with him being a easy bully target... althought it's so tight tat her son can hardly breath but she was too careful with him.. knowing tat him having so many sickness could be in danger anytime.. but tat is care too.. there r lots of other flaws his mother has but mothers r humans who does wrong things, short or long term (long term means 2-6 years if she being a devil since u r born then yr mother really have no soul) although i now have a better image of his mother.. i still think his brother is a arrgant loser who should be stuffed in a iron maiden for at least 24 hours.. then be let out to recover for two days then stuffed in again.. ps: my friend, if u happens to read this n wishes for this post to be delete pls massage me then i will delete it..
~(09:51)



around one week after e last post, i'm feeling worse compared to tat week.. drinking Pocari sweat everyday, spending time in a place i dun really wanna be in.. ever heard of something called a Ponzi scam? somehow i'm spending a large amount of time looking into it's sister scam which is e pyramid scam... suddenly stopped playing games juz to pass time but started to stare at nth juz for time to pass.. more n more of uncontrolled emotions starts to flow out of me n stuff like tat.. i'm acting weirder n weirder as days goes by, which well, is bad for my friends as i'm already weird enough as e old me ha.. lots of things flow into my mind n even through most of them are large pieces of information i thought some people ought to hear it i can't reveal it thxs to either i dun wish to create a sense of war between me n friends, it really un-revealable cause if reveal something bad will happen... n some is due to e fact tat even if i reveal nobody could help... n for those douches who thought tat i'm thinking of moving into e scheming business, no i'm not although it's true tat i'm nt looking into it for nth..
~(02:18)



have u guys ever have this feeling?? a feeling where u feel tat whatever things u do r a illusion?? a feeling where u r pushed down, stomp, crushed and teared apart?? for nth i had been going through tat.. there is no stress in anything i do, i'm more of a happy go lucky guy than a hardworking one yet this is happening.. walking on e street halfway n i would get a headache, at nite for no reason i would get a nose bleed, feeling giddy while i'm standing still or sitting still... have this feeling of someone watching or speaking to me even through there no one close by.. unable to go through a nite without having a dream tat will wake me up n yet can't remember it when i woke up.. i wonder wat i'm doing half e time, unable to continue my concentration for more than 3 mins before i starts feeling weird all over... i gt this crazy feeling which, well, i'm quite sure of it, n tat is tat i will gt a nervous breakdown soon.. i don't noe wat is causing it but some of my friends had say i could be for my hate towards my father.. i had seems to have lost all motivation to do things, all feelings tat controlled me before seems to have gone, there seems to have nth tat interests me at all... i'm sporting a emo hairstyle but i truly dun wish to become one of them.. i dun noe wat will happen to me nor will i noe wat i will become.. all i noe is tat i'm juz living life now like it's a rule of a game, passing birthday juz so note to myself tat it's one step closer towards death, doing things juz so tat my time remaining is passing faster....
~(00:27)



wat a "nice" day... wake up at 8, spent one hour on traveling to school, one hour doing proper class work, next hour listening to mp3 n reading newspaper, gone home (yes.. tat means tat my class spent only two hours in sch..) play a hour of game, a hour of song, a hour of sleep, a hour of ps2 games... onlt to come to now tat i have nth i wan or think of doing.. zzz... can't slp, nth to play, no new song... hiax... zzz... well... going to go back to a hour of senseless thinking... bb
~(00:26)



i was riding a train when i saw this married couple walked in with a four year old kid holding e father's hand n a less than one year old baby sleeping in e pram tat was being push by the mother... this is e sort of picture tat warms one heart but only to let a "few" things conquered my mind on this short yet long train ride. theses things tat came onto my mind are kinda wat some or i should say large amount of people should had faced...
when u are a new born, new to this world, n if u r lucky, u r seeing yr father's face who decided to stay while yr mother's giving birth to u, n nt e doctor who with his/her face mask on looks like a terrorist... n most likely u will be adored by e family(father, mother n watever siblings tat was born before u) when they see tat cute little face tat is no more bigger than yr father's fist, n if u r lucky, they will pickup a "pls watch only" warning. if u r unlucky... well... pinches for u on both yr cheeks form yr loving family... pls note tat these current new born parts happens to those whose 1. family is nt quarrelling over yr recent dead grandfather's assets n u happen to have a part of it 2. yr mother is nt a young teen who was cheated n then have u because a) she wan u b)it's too late to remove u... 3. same as second but only this time yr father decided to take responsibility 4. yr family is poor enough as it is n already have a few mouths to feed only for u to pop over n say feed me for e next 2o years or so pls..

i then continued to think abt 4 years old to 7 years old... ah!!! juz right at e part where e child goes to kindergarten. this will be e average storyline: u get into a neighbourhood kindergarten where u make a handful of friends tat r as clueless as u, give e teacher a real bad day when u start crying as u see yr parents or whoever bring u to there walks away n starts to cry even louder when a unknown teacher comes towards u to hush u down... those who remember they didn't cry? GD FOR U!!! u r either a) e next cool guy/gal which will have e whole opposite sex fall in love with u or b) u r a emotionless freak who have a great deal of chance to becoming e nxt Saddam!!! there is always c).. which is kinda bad for me to put down but wat e hack!! so here's c)u r juz a clueless retard tat didn't remember yr parents face n thought tat everyone is yr parent... tat all will be followed by home time!! where most child will be send to his grand parents place or if u r lucky, yr own place ( because yr mother/father nt working).. made to sleep though a whole part of e afternoon, wake up with nth to do but to watch a 10x rerun of e "newest" sponge bob square pants, get scolding for nt willing to eat yr dinner.. repeat e previous steps to think of e majority of e next 2 years... sometime when u r lucky, u will get to visit others houses like yr aunts' or go to shopping mall thxs to yr aunt again or yr cousin who wanted to go out with his gf n was forced to bring u along. these will most likely happen only if u 1) did nt become e nxt of tat Malaysia 4 year old kid 2)u r a orphan (happens to e first born part as well) 3) did nt have a sickly body so sick tat u have to stay in e hospital/ yr bed forever in which if u step one tiny step out u will die of heart attack 4)u r a home school kid who have a first rate tutor tat teach u things tat primary kid will have problems with 5)(for e after school part) u r a genius tat have created yr own psp with hundreds of games by taking down those spoiled electrical stuff tat yr grandparent deem too gd to throw...
primary 1.. which is 7 years old.. e year of judgement on who is better (if u have siblings again), who is to be loved most, how u will be treated.. i will skip on e intro to primary one since it's mostly repeat of e kindergarten part only this time u r either 1) e bully 2) e nerd or weak kid who is bullied 3) e (i don't noe anything!!!) kid... the 7th year of yr live is also e part where yr face is starting to form wat will be of yr future face so also e part where u would be decided on if u r ugly of handsome... ugly then pray tat yr parents will love u for e inside.. handsome.. gd for u lor.. yr end of e year marks will decide who will most likely be favoured most.. no need for me to comment on this.. treated? will... if both happens to be bad.. then gd luck my friend... most likely u will be in for a bad ride all e way...
once i think to this part i reached my stop... but i didn't stop think abt it though.. well.. continue next time.. gonna sleep.. b
~(10:00)



started e day late for class... only or e teacher to b later than us... e first lesson is on technical maths, with Mr.Mustafa .. who started his first lesson with us "nicely".. first he told us how he's like n how he don't care abt people who dun like his lesson, then continue by saying his gd old days... in which he also included how ite student was able to get a bus pass in e first place (he claimed tat he it marched for it n he was also included..) followed by how parents are juz too nice to their child these days n make a example of me when i said tat my father is dead n i'm over e moon abt it... zzzz... there was no revision of maths or anything to do with maths at all in today class, there was only teaching by him on "how to bond with yr family" n a nice lesson on "how to teach yr child to respect teacher" e last topic included him saying.. if my child comes by to me complaining he had been scolded by his teacher in class toay, i will bring him back to school n ask e teacher to scold him again... zzz... i wonder if tat is true.. realese for lunch one hour earlier by him, brought a comic (magician negi magi #18), gone through another lesson of CAD by Mr.Sim, gone home to grow more mushroom... haha... zzz... tommorow it's a nice 9 to 12 lesson!!! only 3 hour n i'm going home!!! although nth to do but still seems fun.. hehe ;) oh well gonna go slp... bb
~(02:19)



after two weeks of hard work (hard work?? nah.. mostly juz pure slacking around.) in tat stupid Motorolas' packing company where me n vic have to deal with e most dangerous weapon known to all packers.. yap u got it... tat weapon is cardboard... laugh all u can but all packers ask for gloves when assigned to fix e cardboard.. while some others juz run or find other things... coming back home daily with bruised hands n tired feet ( we muz stand 12 hours..) to bring back a mere less than $500 paycheck home....

kinda of nice pay after thinking tat we worked less than two weeks n even nicer when $150 was spent on a dozen of arrows which when it comes i will have to fix all it's other parts in.. which comes Tuesday.. where my arrows came... i n Wei jie were fixing tat damn arrow till today which comes out to this calculation.. Out of 12 arrows, only one arrow's bullet point was able to be fixed in without having to oven, cook or barbecue e arrows... damn, Damn, DAMN!!!! redoing e arrows today which comes up with a new calculation.. 4 out of 12 were correct while e others will b ovan, cooked or barbecued in this week or next... oh well... really gratefull to Wei Jie who has to do tat for me... lol... zzz...
o well... gonna go back to my game to kill some damn fools... b
~(06:05)



tat's e name of e game tat i'm currently playing.. it's graphic is at least two times better than maple (it's 3-D)... while e game play isn't boring me out yet... it's more of doing quest type of game with 5 different character to choose frm.. swordsman, spear man, blades man, archer and healer... rather easy to lvl up compared to other games... but while most games have different culture, this game is set to a ancient china mood. in two days time i'm already lvl 20... while my other friend who dun play tat much is at 17 n 15... currently addicted to this game so pls dun come n brother me too often this week.. hehe ... well... gonna go back n play... b
~(07:34)





~(06:49)

Name is Joshua and I've got a emo hairstyle. I'm a Jack of all trade master of none but hey! I love it!! I'm random and stubborn and I LOVE GOD!

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