Dark... so dark.. it's juz so dark...
Friday, 28 March 2008
Met up with Raymond today to buy my camera bag, finally brought a good bag.. A Lowepro stealth reporter D400 AW.. Not the bag i wanted first but still it's a great bag, not to mention it's a bigger than the D300 AW. After buying the bag went on to meet up with Mr.Sim for the fashion show at Bishan which is kinda a hard show to take. Too much background that causes problems. zzz... After the show gone with Mr.Sim and ray for a break and chat up abt photography stuffs...
Reach home, play game for a while when i suddenly decided to ask my mother abt my father's side family history.. a history that thought i already knew a long time ago but still not a completed knowledge of it. This request had been asked for hundreds of times and similarly been refused all the times with all the time the reason being that she dun wan to destroy any faith or good thought i might retained for my father and that i might not be able to handle the truth being slap right into my face...
However for some reason she backed down today.. My mother finally decided to tell me every truth and detail of my father's side family.. form 11 plus p.m we speak all the way till 2.35am, the feeling of having yr whole memory dug out, refreshed, add in new info and then rerun was already something hard enough to take in while having a straight face of no emotions, then the hard truth of all my father's actions, his side of family responses, the things they all done before and lastly the final action that caused my mum to divorce him.. it all gone slamming towards my head and that kind of feeling of being throwed down a cliff repeatly for that whole 3 hours...
I'm already used to hating my father.. it's no new thing for me.. but with the lastest facts all suddenly pushed right into my brain, i juz can't seems to take it in.. the words from my mother for the whole 3 hour plus seems to be running though my head like a CD on repeat mode.. the facts of it all is juz too much for me.. i used to thought of my father like he is the devil.... but after my mother's story.. the past thought of my father now seems like a pure hearted angel.. maybe the years of my family problems had finally taken it's toll on me.. maybe i juz can't take it any longer... till the day i'm finally over this.. bye
~(10:57)
