Monday, 11 May 2009
It's one of those days where a good mood suddenly turns bad all of a sudden..
Fourth time this year i nearly been late for class ><.. Woke up early at 7.30, only to drag the time on by slacking on the bed till around 8.44 before rushing down as usual and flagging a cab to NYP.. Reach there kinda in time and since it's computer programming, i juz sit one side and try to recap all the ITE stuff.. Felt really bad during the lesson, slight fever coming up and my limbs feels like they are in ice. At abt 30 mins into the class, i rushed out of the room to buy some medicine. Class ended and life comes back into me as I rushed out of the classroom to some warm sunlight. Went on to maths class.. Head was spinning, mind wasn't on track and limbs are totally cold.. Fell asleep as soon as i reach the class and dispite waking up at certain part of the lesson, i still didn't have enough energy to stay awake. Feels so damn bad lah. sleep in her lesson.. somemore i was sitting right in front of her ><.. Must make up to her by scoring high in the exams. Amazingly, i recovered in between break time which is right after the maths lesson. That made me feel worse for sleeping in the class.. sian.. break ends, physic start, recap about secondary school work again.. Read news using laptop in physics lesson, Mechanics starts, listen in class for the first time today.. Class ended felt sad that it's so short and wished that it had continue ><.. Feeling rather good by now and
i'm in one of my better moods.. Gone to Dr.Li
Ying class, tried receiving files through
Heucampus, worked. played song through laptop softly since the lecturer isn't gotta teach.. Then the lecturer suddenly told me to stay back..
She told me : " I'm receiving
feedbacks from lecturers that you are talking quite
alot in class, It's good that you are outgoing, open to stuffs and a easy person to get along to but for the sake of your study, you should tone down." This sentence alone.. Made me feel in that few seconds, making me really
sian, unmotivated and demoralised.. Damn feel so useless and weak that one sentence can cause me to be in that state..
Walked to the interchange with
jonathan,
shiya and
xinhui.. throughout the journey i keep trying to make conversation but it keeps falling apart.. I just couldn't make my mood better.. Say bye to Jonathan at the
Mrt station then walked on with the two girls.. Didn't really talk much.. Say bye to them then walk towards the other bus stop to take 86..
Met
vic at
Amk hub to eat.. throughout the whole time from about 6.30 to 8, i was
emoing away inside.. I forced myself to chat with him and to smile and laugh, as i was doing all this.. I felt myself slowly getting to my dark side.. I didn't wanna interact.. I don't wanna talk to anyone..
OMG!!! JOSHUA YOU ARE SUCH A WEAK BASTARD!!!!
KNN!!! WEAK SH*T!!!
Went home later as voices in my head had conflicts with each other.. one trying to say my progress in
NYP had been great and i should continue on.. The other however was my old voice.. the weak bastard
emoing away.. feeling sorry for himself.. Laid on my bed without even changing and meditated.. I was so disrupted in my personal thoughts that i cannot focuses.. Realised that it's useless, i slump to sleep and woke up moments later, having a
gaint headache..
Tried listening to smoothing songs to cure it.. Slowly working.. Slowly closed my eyes and meditated.. My mind at that time was finally free of conflict and
i'm finally able to look into myself.. Slowly gather myself.. Went to bath, read news on the Internet and saw that china have one confirmed influenza A case then type this long post. Wonder if i will get back to "myself"
tomorrow..
lol.
~(09:25)
